Vicky Pattison has revealed she felt pressure to live up to her wild persona on Geordie Shore by having sex on camera with her then fiancé.
The reality star, 34, starred in the MTV hit from 2011 to 2014 and described her sex scenes as "massively damaging".
Speaking to The Times magazine to promote her new Channel 4 documentary, Vicky Pattison: My Dad, Alcohol and Me, the TV personality explained how she felt pressure to be who the producers wanted her to be.
She said: "I don’t blame the producers for anything, but I didn’t have the skills to navigate being surrounded by that much alcohol.
"I was young and felt the pressure to be who they wanted me to be, and that made me feel so powerless. It definitely exacerbated my issues. I became a complete caricature."
The 34 year old, who is now engaged to fiancé and former TOWIE star Ercan Ram, also opened up on her alcohol consumption during her stint on the show, even suggesting she "drank dangerous amounts".
Vicky said: "I don’t have an off switch and I was never a nice drunk. You get sloppy drunks, weepy drunks, aggressive drunks – I was all of them.
"I never wanted the party to stop but I’d be shouting, belligerent. I drank to excess and drank dangerous amounts."
She continued: "In Marbella, I once got so drunk I had to be hospitalised. It was not a proud moment."
Because of how she felt during the show she admitted that she never watched the show back even when it was on tv regularly.
"I felt sick to my stomach watching it back. I don’t know if I blocked [these incidents] from my memory or if I was just so pissed I can’t remember," said Vicky.
She continued: "I’d never watched Geordie Shore before even when I was on it, because I didn’t like who it made me become."
Vicky, whose dad John is an alcoholic, said she worried she was also on the path to alcoholism, saying: "It was going to happen sooner or later."
The media personality says she has since sought therapy and says she now drinks in moderation.
She also insisted that she would not describe herself as an alcoholic, despite her father's battle, saying: "I wouldn’t define myself as an alcoholic.
"But I have a complicated relationship with alcohol. It’s a slippery slope from being social to being dependent to being addicted. I’ve danced with that my whole adult life."
OK! has contacted MTV for comment.
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